Something Old, Something New - 2009, 2010

Today officially marks the end of the calendar year 2009 and the start of a new year - a new beginning.  We begin to make New Year's resolutions including: diets and weight loss, money saving, volunteer work, exercise, love, travel, etc., etc.  In my case, I never remember what I resolved to do at the beginning at the year by the time the 31st rolls around, but here are some good things from 2009:

Work- with the economy in the shitter companies began to cut back their staff, I was fortunate enough to keep my job
Health- I don't recall using a single sick day at work this year
Love- Into the 6th year with Fred and still going strong, now newly engaged
Family- It's been great to have

Things to improve in 2010:
Try to be more understanding of others.  A hard one, but we'll see...
Work on my patience.  Patience, after all, is a virtue no?
Try to put to practice what skills I've learned.  Maybe I will put that sewing machine to use in 2010!
Read more!  There's plenty of good stuff out there...
Learn a form of meditation

Hopefully, by the time I'm updating this a year from now, I can trace back some sort of progress.

:)

Here's to my last year as a single woman!  What?!  Haha!
 

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory & My Wedding

What do these have in common?  Nothing of course!  But today, Fred and I booked our caterer, and I could not help but realize that several years of savings were to be no more...


But that's when I remembered the line from Grandpa George in Tim Burton's version of CTCF- the scene where Charlie wants to sell his Golden ticket for money instead of going to the Factory.  And this is what his Grandpa tells him:

Grandpa George: There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?

So this is what Grandpa George would tell ME!

Grandpa George: There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this [wedding], there's only [ONE of them like it] in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?

NO GRANDPA GEORGE!  I AM NOT A DUMMY!

:)

Smart Phones and Cheap Dates

Making time to plan your wedding is a challenge we all face, especially if your work hours range from 11 to 12 each day. Finding time to take care of calls and emails while at work may be an option, but it is not always the best. Do you really want your co-workers hearing every single aspect and detail of your wedding? To the point where they get to know what lingerie you will wear on your special day or even what wedding details you have to cut because your budget isn't big enough? No. And trust me, being on the other side isn't fun either- who cares? So then what do you do? You get a smart phone, and you go on cheap dates!

The smart phone allows you to update your blog remotely, and the cheap date buys you time and saves you money. Take for example today: we planned an afternoon out, Fred took me to get a Mani , $10; went to get tickets to Sherlock Holmes, $22; ate on the inexpensive side but avoided chain restaurants (Pizzeria that offers savory deliciousness such as baked clams and shrimp fra Diavlo), $40; bought tix for movie with three hours in between to browse stores and hit the bookstore for arts and crafts projects and other DIY ideas, $0.

It is within those three hours that I ate dinner, bought myself a winter hat, scribbled down several wedding ideas, emailed Fred's mom to help me gather materials for those DIY projects, and posted to my blog. Now, as I wait in line to hand in my movie ticket I feel highly accomplished!

Had I tried to do this at home I probably would have ended up watching another bad Mystery Science Theatre 3000 movie.

Please excuse any typos as I am posting this from my iPhone.

No 1 Way to Plan a Wedding

It's one thing to be on the road to marriage, and it's another to be on this journey with a few of your closest friends.  Two of my close friends from college are also in the midst of wedding planning: Molly's is next August and Melissa's in April the following year, mine falls in the middle.  And it's amazing to see how different each of our approaches to wedding planning is.   Melissa has a binder and a tote for all her wedding accouterments, Molly uses Facebook to share her bridal-bliss tidings and Bridezilla moments, and I have a blog and a small notebook where I jot down thoughts and notes.  We all then have a few other essentials to help us in our journey, mine include The Martha Stewart Encyclopedia of Arts & Crafts among them, but we all have an individual approach to our big day, and that's the point!

We will continue to have our bridal gatherings as Molly's wedding draws near (Melissa and I will both be bridesmaids at her wedding), pick out our bridesmaids dresses, and at the same time scout for our own wedding gowns - oh to be a bridesmaid and a bride all in the span of two months!

Our Last "Single" Christmas!

We were at my parents house today for Nochebuena (Christmas Eve) feasting on tamales, tostadas, and pozole, and Fred brought to my attention the following: "this is our last Christmas before we are married".  It is!  Although we are well aware that nothing will change next year, it is quite a realization.  Who knows, maybe the tables will turn and the expectations will change.  I may be expected to start hosting Christmas, and New Years and such...  after all, I will be a wife won't I?  Well maybe I will!  What's the use of all these traditions if you can't have fun with them!  Turning 16 or turning 21 wouldn't be as fun if we treated them as just another birth anniversary would they? 

Tonight and tomorrow will be extra special; this may mean an extra bottle of wine, a romantic evening (imagines romantic music playing in the background), a super nice gift, or something as simple as a nice cup of hot chocolate and a crepe with nutella and bananas, like the one he's preparing for me now.  I hope we can keep our low-key-romantic love potion brewing for many years to come...

What's a bride to do? Why, turn to her groom of course!

I have no idea what to make of all these wedding timelines.  There are so many books and checklists on things to do 12 months, 9, months, 3 months, ... , leading up to your wedding.  Things like: when to announce your engagement, when to pick your bridal party, when to send your Save-the-Date's, when to start looking at dresses, when to book the photographer, etc., etc.  If it were up to me I'd start with the fun things first: dress, decorations, invitations, party favors... in other words BACKWARDS!  But, that's the icing on top, you leave the good for last.  We first need to deal with the big-ticket items: venue, caterer, music, and photography, those are the pillars.   After that, it should be all about filling in the gaps.

Nailing down the details on the BTI's (Big Ticket Items) is not as easy as it sounds.  It can be quite painstaking.  At the end of the day, if you're research oriented, as in  my case, there is endless amounts of information that will make your head spin faster than a [ word of your choice goes here].  In the end, decisions are influenced by user reviews of some sort of other.  We sealed the deal on the venue after I found reviews about it in blogs and an edit piece in The New York Times (can't overlook The Gray Lady), all pointing in the right direction.  But that's as far as we've gotten, there's still a ton more to do...

With all the to-do's there's only one thing couples can do, share the responsibilities.  Getting Fred involved however can be tricky; while he may not have an opinion, he does have a say (does that make sense?).  He's not about helping choose the flower arrangements or the table linens (he'll let me have it my way as long as I keep a few things in mind: the budget and the open bar), but I still need his approval before committing to anything.  Fortunately for us, communication is a key ingredient in our relationship.  Without it, we couldn't function as a couple given our opposing tastes.  What ended up happening was a meeting of the minds.  I expressed to him my need to have his assistance, and he agreed as long as I was willing to guide him and give him direction.  Thus I would become the research point-person coming up with the list of venues, caterers, DJ's, etc., and he would be the one helping reach out to get pricing details and all that other fun stuff.

I promised Fred that I would not be a "Bridezilla"; that I would be a normal human planning our wedding day,  and that I would not subject him to torture nor torment.  I'm happy to report that thus far it's all been good.  I really like the ways things are going; I want to enjoy planning my wedding, not arguing my way to it.  Let's hope we can keep it up!

Happy D = Happy Fred = Happy D = Happy Fred = Happy D = Happy Fred
(I think you get the point)

Readings On How (Not) To Be A Traditonal Bride.

I've been reading this book I picked up at Barnes & Noble the other day by Ariel Meadow Stallings called Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives For Independent Brides and I still don't know what to make of it.  See, when I got involved with this whole wedding project I realized that I wanted to be CEO, co-CFO (have to share that title with Fred), CMO, and all the other C-O's because I want a wedding that is as representative of our tastes and personalities as much as possible, and only I could control and enforce that. 

I didn't want to read all these bridal magazines because they can be overwhelming, it's like having a million people telling you what or how you could be doing things.  I want this to be organic, off-the-cuff as much as possible.  Fred knows I am a jack of all trades master of none; I like to learn new things and I don't always put them to practice. Why should my (our)  wedding be any different?  I have plenty of artistic and creative minds in my close circle of family and friends to help me in that area; I don't need to pay to be given ideas, nor do I need to feel subjected to follow a specific pattern.  And this is when I thought I was being offbeat and so I went ahead and bought the book to re-assure me of my conviction.  The reality is that it ladders up to a singular message: do what makes you happy and be willing to accept that it's okay if you want monogrammed napkins, as long as it's what you truly want.  (This can be followed by a few tips on how several people have done it). 

But, isn't that what all weddings are/should be about?  Bringing your vision to life? Incorporating all those elements you hold dear and the embodiment of both your tastes and personalities?  Do we really need labels to define us as traditional vs. none?  Do you really need to have a Burning Man sculputre to be considered off-the-beaten-path?  I call bullshit to all that. In thinking that I could be a non-traditional bride, I am  one.  WEDDINGS ARE TRADITIONAL. So why do people write books, magazines, and blogs on how to be this "offbeat" bride, or the indie bride?  If in the end, we are all subscribing to the same principles for the most part: wedding registries, invitations, save the dates, special gowns and outfits whether taffeta-free or not, they're all the same, hiding under a different name.  Bottom line is, don't think you can classify your wedding or walk on the opposite side of the street just by following a few simple rules.  A wedding, is a wedding, is a wedding.  Independent?  That's marketing talk.

In  my case, I am trying to accept this fact, and I just need to focus on how to re-create the vision in my brain into a real-life event.  Whether that means lace or no lace, dry-insect lollipops as wedding favors or not, it's all still about a day when we will spend significant amounts of money all to commemorate or celebrate a formal union (AKA Wedding).

So that leaves me to think, is there really such a thing as offbeat?  Who is to say?

My (Our) Very Own Chateau

Finding your very own chateau in this urban jungle is like finding the perfect pair of shoes - on sale and in your size.  Luckily for me, I'm a size 6/6.5 depending on the shoe, which more often than not means that at least the sample size will be available and I can have my cake and eat it too.  But, this isn't always the case when you're looking for a wedding venue.  Your wedding's success rests heavily on the location. 

After looking at several places, all of them very much in line what we were looking for, I realized that I could go down this path endlessly if I let it.  After touring The Foundry and Smack Mellon Gallery, each time on the way home I harassed Fred about how we would never be able to find anything else like it - each time he proved me wrong.  Fred, being the cautious, tactical person that he is was not as easily impressed, so I knew that the right place would be one that he didnt feel so apprehensive about (besides me, he will never love anything more than he loves Gwar so I had to take his nod and run with it). 

The day we went to check out Metro (as I've heard it called) was no ordinary day.  It was my birthday and I was on the way home to the Bronx to spend the day with my parents.  We figured we could make a quick run and look-see on the way over despite the subway re-routing we had to deal with, and the torrential downpour that descended upon us that day. 

The Metropolitan Building is not much to look at on the outside.  Just another warehouse/factory brick monolith living happily among other similar-type buildings.  The first thing that came to mind even before going in was: "how will guests know this is a wedding venue?"  Fortunately, once inside the coin flipped.  We entered to find a smaller version of what the proud owner would compare to a French chateau, or in my eyes a Victorian home:  a little worn, a little shabby-chic, infused with vintage charm and character.  To me, it felt like that 6/6.5 shoe; it was pretty, and just my size.  While not on sale by any means, it was a good find and I was really hopeful that Fred would approve.

Several weeks later, after much research and convincing on my behalf, he signed.  And that's how our first big step into making-our-wedding-happen came to be.  With the place and date reserved, we could finally say that we had a wedding in the oven!


 "Everybody should live in a French chateau or the local equivalent thereof", Eleanor Ambos as quoted in The New York Times, April 16, 2006.

Location, Location, Location

There's a lot of debate around who first coined the term "location, location, location".  Some sources credit it back to realtors in the 1950's, but an earlier reference was found in the Yale Book of Quotations dating as far back as 1926 as covered in a New York Times article (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/28/magazine/28FOB-onlanguage-t.html), but regardless of who first coined it it's a triple-word phrase that means a lot.  If you're in cinema, it means the setting for your shoot; if it's Real Estate it means property value based on access to main roads, transportation, shops, schools, etc.; and for brides and grooms it means mood and setting for their special day.

When Fred and I finally decided to start looking at venues we toyed with a few options- destination wedding?  Given my heritage a destination wedding in Mexico sounded almost dreamy.  Imagine what it would be like to be married in one of Mexico's oldest colonial towns like that of San Miguel de Allende?  Old churches, haciendas, porticos; a beautiful wedding at sunset with the Mariachi serenading the nuptials.   But, that would mean inviting 99% of our family so that only 2% could attend.  That, plus dealing with long-distance wedding arrangements sounded a bit more complicated than what we could or would be able to manage.  We would need to keep it local- NYC.  Goodbye money.

We did not have a ton of criteria for our venue hunt; rather than must-have's we had must-not's, and our most important must-not was no multiple-wedding venues. With that, a shitload of options went right out the door, and with them probably the opportunity to save a bit on cost.  Country Clubs, Grand Prospect Halls-and-the like, sorry but we cannot consider you.   Thus, the venue-hunt process began and I was in charge.  I read blogs, online wedding directories, and the more mainstream wedding websites to the extent of what became a list of venues that had captured my interest and would require further research.  

First on my list were restaurants, off-the-beaten-path venues like lofts, galleries, museums, and church-halls.  (Until Fred plainly stated: "I am not getting married in a church").  We began with the restaurants and looked at one in particular in Astoria.  It was nice, and I'm sure the food was great, but there was something about that pre-determined feel to it that didn't move us the way we wanted.  It did not synch up with our tastes, or interests, or for that matter our personalities.  We checked restaurants off our list.

We then looked at what I thought was the perfect venue, The Foundry in LIC.  Beautiful, beautiful place.  Totally in synch with Fred and my personal taste.  But, there was a big BUT: beautiful venue, out of our price-range.  It was/is so nice that despite the lofty pricetag (and this is based on a media salary P.O.V please), we were willing to consider it.  But then I found that they don't allow lose flower petals.  Say what? One of my most loved traditional mexican wedding dances is called "the flowers".  It is a simple dance where guests armed with trays full of flower petals dance in front of the bride and groom and shower them with flowers as they go.  To not be able to have that, was not an option for me.  this made it so that we could give up on The Foundry with a lot more ease.

The galleries were among the last venues we looked at, but found that as awesome a settign as they can be, they're just very time sensitive.  Some of them wouldn't host weddings unless it was off-peak season, limiting us to when we could actually be married.  For Fall weddings it would be early September and late November only.  While that would've been okay, I wasn't really willing to work around my ideal wedding month.  I felt like I was giving up something special by compromising the wedding date.  My October is like many brides' June.  Despite this, we did find that the Smack Mellon Gallery in DUMBO, Brooklyn was absolutely fabulous.  High ceilings, exposed brick; what used to be an old Boiler building has since been turned into a magnicifent canvas for brides & grooms to paint their ideal wedding.  The grey, minimalist yet bold aesthetics make it so that all attention is on your wedding detail.  The concrete columns and huge windows overlooking the river & bridge provided the perfect backdrop.  But, we couldn't do it.  In the name of all things Autumn, October needed to be my month.

Finally, one day while browsing  blogs and reading listings on wedding-friendly sites, I came across this place in Long Island City called the Metropolitan Building.  It shared similar traits to The Foundry and the loft-like aesthetics we so loved about the gallery in Brooklyn, but different.  The pictures and information on the website was promising.  Then on October 3rd, a warm but rainy morning I called up and asked if I could arrange for a tour of the venue, and sure enough, we were offered to see it that same day - my birthday!  Coincidence?

Even Numbers + Hoodie Weather + October = Wedding Day

Finding the venue for the wedding is probably the first things couples try to nail down.  Finding the perfect, or ideal, place determines where and when the wedding will take place.  For us, this was something that I was eager to get working on because we wanted to get married in 2010 - I like even numbers!  I didn't want 2011, and well, I didn't want to take my chances with 2012!

I also knew that I wanted an October wedding.  I'm an October baby, and I absolutely LOVE the Fall.  There's something about the crisp weather, the turning leaves, and just an overall a sense of warmth and comfort that Fall brings that puts a smile on my face.  Fred calls it "hoodie weather".   We love our "hoodie weather".  There are a few things that come to mind when I think of Autumn:
October
Colors
Leaves
Apple Cider
Apples
Pumpkins
Halloween
Dia de Los Muertos

And I LOVE all of the above.

With that, we needed to get crackin'.  Before anything else, I wanted a date; everything else would work itself out around that date.  I thought of what the weather would be in October based on what it was this year; hot, cold, very unpredictable - global-warming sucks!  In trying to think about not breaking the bank entirely for this event we thought a Sunday wedding would be best- rates tend to be cheaper.  So what days in October 2010 fall on Sundays?  Initially we were thinking of October 31st.  I love Halloween and the thought of having a theme wedding was exciting!  But then, would it be too themey?  What if it was really cold (I hate the cold)? What if it was shitty and rainy and cold?  Then I thought about the 10th of October - middle ground.  But wait - 10-10-10?  No way!  I was not ready or willing to compete for this date with all those other broads just because of 3 perfectly matching numbers.  That left three other dates:  3rd, 17th, and 24th.  I considered the 24th because it's an even number (sadly, yes).  But then, somehow I felt like I wanted something a bit more special.  How about the 3rd?  My Birthday!

My Birthday!  What, you say?  Why would I do that?  Two reasons:
1 - Because it's unexpected.  Most women, I found, want to keep their birthdays and anniversaries as far apart from each other.  They don't want to compromise gifts or celebrations if the two are too close together.  Well, I'm glad I'm not with them.  Heck, Fred and I don't even know when we started dating.  Eventually we decided to just pick a date we liked and made it our anniversary - October 14th.  Sadly, I don't think there has been a time when we have celebrated it.  I think it has to do because it doesn't really mean anything to us. Haha!  
2 - Because Fred's mother married on her birthday- Friday, October 13th!  Talk about NOT being superstitious!  And she is the happiest married woman I know!  Her love for her husband is grand.  I can only wish to be as happy in my marriage as she.  And that, is the truth.

Wedding date then is: OCTOBER 3rd, 2010

The Surprised To-Be-Bride

Should be self-explanatory!

Wedding Good Luck Charms

So now that we know what the cork represents, I went ahead and out of curiousity looked up other good-luck-bringers for that big day.  Here are some that I found which I thought were pretty interesting.

The horseshoe- I think we all know that it's meant to represent good luck but according to what I've read it has to do with good ol' Satan!  Apparently, a blacksmith outwitted lord of darkness himself when the latter showed up and asked to have his shoe changed (get it?).  Knowing this the blacksmith took advantage and made it as painful as possible.  Satan was in so much pain that he asked for it to be removed at once!  To do so, the blacksmith requested that he never appear in a household with a horseshoe hung over the door.

The chimney sweep -  this is supposed to represent the hearth, or the center of the home (the chimney) and symbolizes keeping it in working order.  It is believed that If a bride sees one on her way to be married, she will be lucky in her marriage.  Nowadays you can rent them for better measure.

Gray horse - If a bride-to-be saw/sees a gray horse on her wedding day she will be lucky in her marriage.  Better yet if she rides it!  So, make sure your wedding is nearby Central Park.


Rain on your wedding day - from what my mother has told me, if it rains on your wedding day you will have bountiful blessings in your marriage, and money!  Trade those heels for some rain shoes!  (then again she says that if you ever in your lifetime eat out of a pot instead of a plate, it will rain on your wedding day).

As long as there are weddings, there will always be superstition to go along with them.  Wear your underpants inside-out and backwards, wear something borrowed, whatever whatever.   Mostly, we just do these things because this is what we know and what we've been told, but how many brides really know what the heck these rites and rituals and superstitions even mean?  Go ahead, test them (us).  Don't worry, unless Google and/or Bing aren't doing their job, I'm determined to get to the bottom of it all!

Now back to South Park.