Trigger Happy A.K.A The Wedding Registry

There are two schools of thought regarding the infamous and not-so-famous Wedding Registry.  Macy's, Sears, Bloomingdales, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target, etc. all thrive from couples listing thousands of dollars worth of merchandise for their weddings... all on someone else's tab.  The notion that people actually create these "wish lists" is appaling to some; how can people actually ask for things, that is just too materialistic and shallow.  Then there are those who think that not having a wedding registry makes it harder on your guests, those who want to give you a gift that's not cash, because not only will they have to wonder what you guys would want or enjoy, but you will most like end up with 5 blenders, 3 toasters, and 2 ironing boards (do they still sell those?)

I think in this regard we have to be aware of one thing: we are after all throwing a big party to celebrate a marriage A.K.A a wedding.  The minute you decide to spend thousands (which is the norm) of dollars on a celebration that will require the presence of many a guest, you are essentially already setting the expectation that if they are to be good guests they should not arrive empty-handed.  And that would imply "asking" for something in return for the invitation.  So personally, I think that if you're going to move forward with a wedding in the tradional sense, then you might as well have a registry.  Tell it like it is.  Don't put a blusher on it.

Fred is of the belief that you shouldn't "ask" for things.  I agree.  But, it's also common for people these days to expect to see a wedding/gift registry.  And there are ways you can go about it without feeling like you're "asking".  One such way is to not tell people of your registry, let them find it on their own if they're interested in knowing what you have in your "wish list" (I guess I already ruined that option with this blog entry).  If they don't want to contribute a gift from a predetermined registry then they don't have to feel bad about not doing so either.   I have a friend who would never give something from a predetermined list.  He believes that part of the excitement is to come up with a gift that is as unique as the giver as well as the receiver.

Fred and I don't always agree on things, and that's fine.  In the end, these sort of things are irrelevant, and he knows that not arguing over it is more important than having or not having a list.  So I appease his distaste by adding two coffee percolators to the registry... just for him (he loves coffee, I don't drink it).

Wedding Magic Ebbs and Flows

I just realized as I sit here telling Fred that all I have is $7 for takeout tonight for the sushi order (yep, I was home all day and I did not cook) that I haven't been doing much upkeep with this blog here.  Is it wedding-planning-magic all along?  I wonder if this is normal.  There are days when i'm truly into this and in full planning mode, and enjoying it, and then there are days like today when all I can think about is lounging around and watching movies all day.  Then I realize that I'm just being lazy and super unproductive and that I should at least say "hi" to the blog.

Well here I am, and the funny thing is that as soon as I begin to write I start thinking of a zillion things to discuss, but then I realize that I should save some of them and not give them all up one-shot.  You know, is like trying to get that sudden brain juice stored away somewhere for use on future low-juice" days. 

I shouldn't be so hard on myself however.  There have been several things that I have accomplished in the past weeks.  Here's my list:


1.  When in "the mood", I have actually been browsing the heck out of etsy in search for inspiration and wedding ideas.   I have a folder in my computer where I save screengrabs of things that catch my interest including hand-made wedding bouquets that do not include real flowers, and custom shoe paint jobs- it's like graffiti for shoes.

Here's a pair of shoes from CocoPunkz.  This particular style is called "Obsessions".  Now that's what I'm talking about.  I haven't decided on a design for my shoes, but you bet I'm counting on a snazzy pair made just for me, for my big day!  Is it possible to adjust the saying to "wear your heart on  your feet"?

2.  Wedding Gown.   This matter has been taken care of.  I found a fabulous dress through The Cotton Bride that I cannot wait to wear!  Yep, when I wore that dress I knew it was right because I didn't want to take it off.  That's just what it feels like.  All you want to do is stand in front of the mirror staring at yourself in that dress.  Shallow, perhaps.
(wedding bell rings...  I mean door bell rings, sushi is here)
 My only fear is that I was told not to GAIN weight.  A lot of brides LOSE weight either through dieting or simply from stress.  In my case, I think I have been this size/weight for years now, but what if all of a sudden my metabolism fails me and I end up putting on a few pounds?  Then what?  I've never had to worry about gaining weight, in fact it has been encouraged.  This is the first time I'm actually worried and realize... shit, what if I don't fit into my dress?

3.  Wedding couples meet and greet.  Our caterer (The Raging Skillet) organized a soiree for about 5/6 wedding couples this past Friday and treated us to nice wine and hors d'ouvres.  I got to talk to other couples that like us, are in full wedding planning mode.  Overall, it was nice to be able to talk JUST WEDDING TALK without feeling guilty (because your friends don't always want to hear about your wedding planning actually) or being obnoxious.  Everyone was on the same page,and it seemed that almost everyone had relevant information to share with at least one other couple.  We found that one of the couples is getting married at our same venue, the day before us!  I was telling Fred: we should make conversation with them and try to talk them into leaving their table centerpieces and flower arrangements behind for us to re-use the next day.  Haha.  Ghetto.  But, the table was long, the wine was flowing, and we were too comfortable talking with those directly next to us, and that possibility got away.  But, before the night was over I did get a contact for a Photographer from one other couple.  I'll be checking out her portfolio pretty soon.

Bottom line is that I shouldn't be so hard on myself.  Woman does not live from wedding magic alone.   Oh no, that's why I have a mantra to keep me in check:  "the day this wedding becomes a chore, it will cease to be fun".  I won't let it get to that point.  It's like a relationship, you need time apart once in a while.  Otherwise you'd suffocate.

Vena Amoris

Latin for "vein of love" is said to be the reason why we wear our engagement rings on the fourth finger (the ring finger) of our left hand.  The story/tale/myth dates this back to the Egyptians who believed this vein led directly from the heart to the ring finger on our left hand.   Whether this was an actual belief or not is debated, but whoever/whatever started this tradition was damn successful at getting it to stick around!  

What's in a name? To hyphenate or not?

Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

We all know the infamous line of Romeo & Juliet- the doomed lovers and their warring families.  Here precisely, Juliet is saying that a name is just a name, but it's the essence of the "name" that makes it so.  You can change a name, but the person behind the name you can never change-  the being, the object itself, its raison d'etre.  So who cares if he's a Montague and she's a Capulet, what matters is the being attached to the name and their love for each other.  Sighhhhhh!

For us Juliettes (I hope that's plural) or brides-to-be, the moment arrives when all of a sudden you wonder if you're in fact going to change your name or not.  I was having dinner with my girlfriends the other night and realized that this appears to be a question that a lot of brides debate with.  Particularly nowadays when women are industry leaders, entrepreneurs, run to be candidates for US presidency-  when, as they say -  the glass ceiling is broken...  is there a need to change your name and adapt your husband's?  That would be like giving up a piece of your identity wouldn't it?  At said dinner my friend mentioned, quite casually actually, that she is hyphenating.  She will be keeping her last name and adding on his.  That didn't surprise any of us in the room, it's a valid want,  but she also brought up a good point... why can't he hyphenate?  He can, legally, but why do most men choose not to? 

Personally, I'm not a feminist.  I like to have chairs pulled, doors opened, be given the right of way, I think it's nice.  Shit, I would like that if I were a man too!  I don't need to label myself as anything to enjoy my rights as a human being, and while at it enjoy my womanhood in whatever way that may be, as long as it makes me happy.  However, I do admire those bra-burners, and women's rights activist, because they were valiant; they believed in something and they fought to have their voices heard when others were afraid to speak up.  And I think it's important to acknowledge that, and to question the why of things.  In this case, my friend observed that her fiancee wouldn't change his name, so why should she?  But, she compromised, she would hyphenate.  Is there anything wrong with that?  Is that still kowtowing to a "man-made" world?  I don't think so.  The reality, to me at least, is that you gotta do what you want and what feels right to you.  Tradition will always be present in some way shape or form.  Did I mention we are getting married?  And not just any marriage of sorts, but the sort that involves wedding gowns, and bouquets, and bridesmaids and all that jazz.  So maybe tradition is not such a bad thing right?

In my case, I think i'm going full Monty.  I love my man.  I'm a woman in a world of broken glass ceilings (and other things).  I love my man.  And like Juliet, a name change won't change who I am, because at the end of the day it is my hair, my eyes, my bones and cells that make me who I am.  To adopt Fred's last name would simply complete this fairytale picture for me.  It would be my metamorphosis into the said wife of the man whose babies I want to have! (I love my ovaries and I want to put them to use one day and house a living human inside my body, because apparently I'm also an alien by any other name).  Plus, I have already sounded out my name with his last name, and I think it sounds quite right.  In fact, I think it sounds quite formal and established, like that of a writer.   Unlike Juliet, a name DOES mean a lot...  it means making sure you're not in-breeding.  Right? 

So, what's in a name is what you want it to be.  Whether hyphenated or not, you're still going to have to go through a shitload of paperwork just to add his name onto yours (at least that's what I've heard), unless of course you're just keeping your maiden name (which is technically your father's last name) in which case, well, it's still just a man's world ain't it?

I think that's why I work in advertising.  What's in a name?  Why, whatever you want it to be, of course!

Wedding Checklist - 275 Days to go!

It's Day 1 of the New Year and I can't help but count down the days left to our wedding day!  We are at 275 days from our big day- day when Fred and Dalila officially tie the knot.  Oh the young couple, to be them!  (or not!).

Anyway, of the many, many checklists there's one from Real Simple Weddings Magazine that's detachable and comes in this handy 4x6 portable size (more or less).  Here's what/where it says is customary for the following time frames and where I stand in the process:

Sixteen to Nine Months Before:
Start Wedding Folder -  NO (maybe I'll do that today since I already have contracts to file away)
Work out the budget - YES (although it is really a work in progress)
Build your wedding party - NOT HAVING ONE
Settle on a headcount - YES (hope it works)
Book the date and venues - DONE
Book the officiant - NO (I had it taken care of until my friend's marriage license was deemed no longer valid)
Research photographers, caterers, florists, etc - YES
Insert vendor contact information into master sheet - NO
Throw Engagement Party - NO (I will not be throwing one)

Eight Months Before: (I'm at 9 months before right now)

Book the photographer and videographer - NO (I need to get on that this month)
Book entertainment - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  HIRE A MAGICIAN?
Register - YES.  (I've been doing that since before I was engaged)
Purchase a dress - WIP.  (Have an appt. coming up where I hope to take care of that matter)
Start meeting caterers - DONE
Launch a wedding website -? Does my blog count? Probably Not. (FRED- GET ON IT!)

And then there's Seven-to-Six months before, Five-to-Four, etc., etc.

I think we're in a good place right now.  No need to get all stressed out over what a piece of paper tells you.  For the moment, I have better things to do... like go heat up those pork tamales my mom made yesterday and have them for breakfast...
(it's the blog before you eat rule)

New Year, New You!

Happy New Year!  Here's to a great 2010!