The Metropolitan Building- perfectly imperfect

Fred has always said that the reason he and I are a perfect match is because of our imperfections.

The venue where we will be wed has similar characteristics.  The Metropolitan Building used to be an old factory back in the day until it was bought in the 80's by Eleanor Ambos.  She bought the place up for quite a ridiculous sum (compared to what that building is worth today) and used it to store all her antique furnishings.  Eventually, she began to rent the space for private events.

Bill Cosby was the first to host a party here. Soon the place was also used for film and photo shoots due to the vast array of furnishings and exposed brick walls that are hard to come by under one roof.  Today, the place is hugely popular and hosts a bunch of weddings each year.

There two floors that are used for weddings, the fourth and second.   Fred and I chose the second floor because it's smaller and has what to me seemed to be a somewhat Victorian home type of feel.  The built-in bookshelves are stacked with books, and the shabby chandeliers, mingling nicely with exposed pipe work, seem to be a humble version of the more arrogant types you find at the bigger halls.   On this floor there are also two little rooms that are perfect for private lounge areas, or even a changing room if a bride so wishes.  And, there's a real bathroom with bathtub and all.  So technically it's a little home living happily in the guts of an old brick monolith building in the middle of LIC.

It's going to be really hard to pimp this place up for the wedding- it already has so much charm and character.

The Engagement Ring. A Vintage and Modern Expression of Love

My engagement ring is inspired by a vintage setting with filigree in the band and small diamonds around the crown in what resembles a cupcake (that's what I've been told).  This is the ring that jumped at me from the lot and the one that felt like "me".   But, two of my friends through work got engaged this year and received actual vintage engagement rings.  Marnie's has a really nice stone with what's called an Old Mine Cut.  I did a bit of research and found that this cut was very common in the 1800's and that it was mostly mined in India, whereas most of the other diamonds today are mined in South Africa.  What makes this cut different from other more traditional and "modern" cuts is that it's flat at the bottom versus the pointed kinds, it's squarish but with rounded edges. 

On a similar vein, I also found that this same year two other girls (one of them my friend Melissa) decided for non-diamond engagement rings.  Another way to make a statement!  One chose aquamarine as the center stone and Mel's is a beautiful pear-shaped amethyst with two side stones. 

Overall I think it's a breath of fresh air to see that the engagement ring, as traditional as it is, is being interpreted and adapted to each bride's unique taste.

Trigger Happy A.K.A The Wedding Registry

There are two schools of thought regarding the infamous and not-so-famous Wedding Registry.  Macy's, Sears, Bloomingdales, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target, etc. all thrive from couples listing thousands of dollars worth of merchandise for their weddings... all on someone else's tab.  The notion that people actually create these "wish lists" is appaling to some; how can people actually ask for things, that is just too materialistic and shallow.  Then there are those who think that not having a wedding registry makes it harder on your guests, those who want to give you a gift that's not cash, because not only will they have to wonder what you guys would want or enjoy, but you will most like end up with 5 blenders, 3 toasters, and 2 ironing boards (do they still sell those?)

I think in this regard we have to be aware of one thing: we are after all throwing a big party to celebrate a marriage A.K.A a wedding.  The minute you decide to spend thousands (which is the norm) of dollars on a celebration that will require the presence of many a guest, you are essentially already setting the expectation that if they are to be good guests they should not arrive empty-handed.  And that would imply "asking" for something in return for the invitation.  So personally, I think that if you're going to move forward with a wedding in the tradional sense, then you might as well have a registry.  Tell it like it is.  Don't put a blusher on it.

Fred is of the belief that you shouldn't "ask" for things.  I agree.  But, it's also common for people these days to expect to see a wedding/gift registry.  And there are ways you can go about it without feeling like you're "asking".  One such way is to not tell people of your registry, let them find it on their own if they're interested in knowing what you have in your "wish list" (I guess I already ruined that option with this blog entry).  If they don't want to contribute a gift from a predetermined registry then they don't have to feel bad about not doing so either.   I have a friend who would never give something from a predetermined list.  He believes that part of the excitement is to come up with a gift that is as unique as the giver as well as the receiver.

Fred and I don't always agree on things, and that's fine.  In the end, these sort of things are irrelevant, and he knows that not arguing over it is more important than having or not having a list.  So I appease his distaste by adding two coffee percolators to the registry... just for him (he loves coffee, I don't drink it).

Readings On How (Not) To Be A Traditonal Bride.

I've been reading this book I picked up at Barnes & Noble the other day by Ariel Meadow Stallings called Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives For Independent Brides and I still don't know what to make of it.  See, when I got involved with this whole wedding project I realized that I wanted to be CEO, co-CFO (have to share that title with Fred), CMO, and all the other C-O's because I want a wedding that is as representative of our tastes and personalities as much as possible, and only I could control and enforce that. 

I didn't want to read all these bridal magazines because they can be overwhelming, it's like having a million people telling you what or how you could be doing things.  I want this to be organic, off-the-cuff as much as possible.  Fred knows I am a jack of all trades master of none; I like to learn new things and I don't always put them to practice. Why should my (our)  wedding be any different?  I have plenty of artistic and creative minds in my close circle of family and friends to help me in that area; I don't need to pay to be given ideas, nor do I need to feel subjected to follow a specific pattern.  And this is when I thought I was being offbeat and so I went ahead and bought the book to re-assure me of my conviction.  The reality is that it ladders up to a singular message: do what makes you happy and be willing to accept that it's okay if you want monogrammed napkins, as long as it's what you truly want.  (This can be followed by a few tips on how several people have done it). 

But, isn't that what all weddings are/should be about?  Bringing your vision to life? Incorporating all those elements you hold dear and the embodiment of both your tastes and personalities?  Do we really need labels to define us as traditional vs. none?  Do you really need to have a Burning Man sculputre to be considered off-the-beaten-path?  I call bullshit to all that. In thinking that I could be a non-traditional bride, I am  one.  WEDDINGS ARE TRADITIONAL. So why do people write books, magazines, and blogs on how to be this "offbeat" bride, or the indie bride?  If in the end, we are all subscribing to the same principles for the most part: wedding registries, invitations, save the dates, special gowns and outfits whether taffeta-free or not, they're all the same, hiding under a different name.  Bottom line is, don't think you can classify your wedding or walk on the opposite side of the street just by following a few simple rules.  A wedding, is a wedding, is a wedding.  Independent?  That's marketing talk.

In  my case, I am trying to accept this fact, and I just need to focus on how to re-create the vision in my brain into a real-life event.  Whether that means lace or no lace, dry-insect lollipops as wedding favors or not, it's all still about a day when we will spend significant amounts of money all to commemorate or celebrate a formal union (AKA Wedding).

So that leaves me to think, is there really such a thing as offbeat?  Who is to say?